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Drinking Quotes

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Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve your garden. Come on, if that was true, wouldn't frat houses be like tropical rain forests?
-- Jay Leno

"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."
-- Fran Lebowitz

"Meet me down in the bar! We'll drink breakfast together."
-- W. C. Fields - The Big Broadcast of 1938

"I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis."
-- Humphrey Bogart's last words

I hope Mom behaves at this cookout. Last time she started drinking margaritas, she wandered off in the woods for 18 hours and woke up to a deer licking salt off her lips.
-- David Letterman

The City of Los Angeles is about to begin recycling toilet water into drinking water. You thought you were bothered by the worm in the bottom of the tequila bottle. The problem with drinking this water, to get this to go down, a lot of people have to jiggle their nose.
-- Jay Leno

"I distrust a man who says "when." If he's got to
be careful not to drink too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does."
-- Sydney Greenstreet - The Maltese Falcon

"According to a recent study, the most popular fitness sport among Americans is bowling. Is this really a 'fitness' sport? Any sport where you can drink beer and eat pizza while you're doing the sport is not a sport."
-- Jay Leno

"I think someone should invent Beerguard, because how often do you actually spill Scotch on the carpet?"
-- Unknown

"Alcohol is good for you. My grandfather proved it irrevocably. He drank two quarts of booze every mature day of his life and lived to the age of 103. I was at the cremation - that fire would not go out."
-- Dave Astor

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